Meet Munkie (add British accent)
‘Ello Govnor. My name is Munkie McMunkie. I was originally named Mr. Smirks because I have a permanent smirk plastered on my face. I have since changed my name to something easier to remember. You see, my brain is made out of cotton, so I don’t have much of a memory.
I don’t remember how long I was sitting on the shelf at the Marks & Spencer store in Blackpool, England, but I think I was getting a bit dusty. They put me out for the winter because I would only be used at that time. Yes, I get used a lot. Har har. You see, I am actually a hot water bottle holder. On my bum, I have a flap that opens (I know it sounds painful & it really is to be honest) & you can slip in the filled hot water bottle. Usually children love me because I can make their tummies feel all warm throughout the winter.
On one fateful night, Auntie Jeanette was out shopping & her eyes landed on mine. I stared at her hard & unblinkingly & hoped my charming smirk would swoon her into taking me home with her. Little did I know she had other plans for me. She thought I would be perfect for her little niece back in the States. I was ecstatic to meet the niece. She packed me into a suitcase with Auntie Susan & off we went to the States. I flew in comfort with soft clothing wrapped around me. I do have to say it was a bit dark in there & it was quite a long journey, but when I arrived, I smelled the carbon monoxide of the NY yellow cabbies & knew this would be home!
When it was time to meet the niece, Auntie Susan took me out & introduced me to this giant girl named Christina. I was wondering where the precious little niece was, but unbeknownst to me, this WAS the niece. She was neither little nor precious. She grabbed me & said “I’m gonna hug you and kiss you and love you forever” & I gulped & was instantly scurred for my life.
I was officially adopted by C&V on December 2nd, 2009. So I will use that as my official birthday. Living with them hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be. I’ve adjusted to eating tons of bananas all the time. I do, however, miss my crumpets, tea, clotted creams, Yorkshire puddings, & the occasional Spotted Dick (don’t laugh, we actually eat this & it taste darn good).
I’ve brought lots of joy & happiness to all those who have come in contact with me. Who can resist my smirk & my charm?!? I am good-looking & lovable. Even Grandma has come to love me even though she smacks me around & tells me I’m ugly. She always ends up hugging me because I know she really loves me way deep down inside.C&V do abuse me a bit, but I take it as tough love. At least I get fed & have a bed to sleep in.
P.S. I’m looking for a single, furry Girl Munkie. She can be younger or older, I’m not picky. I’m only 3.5 years old, so I’m pretty open. She must like swinging (in the jungle – get your mind out of the gutter, please!), bananas (again, with the dirty minds), & flinging poop. Please call me at 800-555-MUNK if you know any munkies that fit that description. Thanks!
Fun Munkie facts:
I have 3 favorite colors:
Green for the color of the jungle (my original home until I was plucked out of it to be on the shelves of M&S).
Yellow for my favourite food in the whole wide world – BANANAS.
Brown for the color of poop, which I love to fling at unsuspecting people.
I have no bones so I’m floppy most of the time.
I take periodic showers so I’m usually clean. I feel like I’m drowning when I bathe, & then it gets unbearably hot in the sauna.